LOVE IS SOMETHING WE CANT FORCE

Its damn true though. even though u hate him/her so much it turn out to be love someday without noticed. Sometimes we didn't know that we already in love with that guy/girl. And da best past is we will realized it at da time u r already or almost losing him/her. By that time it will be so damn hurt!

What abt da ppl dat having an one sided love only? Its still da love dat come to their self unconsciously. We didnt even know sometimes when we fall in love. But still we fall in love. I know for someone like me talking abt this shit is soooo unlike me. But i juz realised dat sometimes even a person like me need to be loved. I have lots of friends dat loved me for who i am. So thats good for me. But it still not enough. I want from someone special.

So back to the topic. The truth is im having a little problem with one side love now. But i wont think to much abt it. To troublesome. People usually wants something from a certain someone. But u wouldn't usually get it. Its hard to earn something n its much harder to earn someone u cherish the most. But u cant have him/her. N even though its like that u still want her/him right? Well its kinda same to me. I love him n he cant accept me. But i still want him 4 me. Even though he dont want me.

What da hell im talking abt??? Shit!! I hate this! Im starting to tell u abt my feelings already! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

telah m'recover password

agak lame aku x bukak blogger aku. n skang aku bru la sebok nk bukak blk. sblm nih aku wat bodo jerk ngan menda nih. huhuhu. soli2!!! skang aku akan cube rajin2 kn dri kat blog nih!

life in a house prison

in diz 2010 im already 23 years old. so fast da time past by. its so fast i still feels like im still 21. im somewhat in a woman category rite? so here da story. i was in my parents under control ever since i was kid. n unfortunately until now. if i was a kid then its acceptable coz im still a kid who dont know how to take care of myself. n yes when im in 18-20 years old im a lil bit over social. so dats make me under their control much more tighter after i 't'kantoi' in front of their eyes. n they sent me to studies at JB. n successfully graduated (finally!). so now i already got a job. but still staying at my parents house. n coz of dat i cant save any money for my future. coz i feels like 'y? if i want to eat i can just go back home n eat. save my money n i can use it for something else'. thats what i think since i got a job n staying at my parents house. n dats a big problem!! coz if i dont learn how to discipline my self i will never be able to learn to save money! n wat troubles me is i cant juz go out juz like dat. i have to ask their permission first. n since i was so stubborn even though they say no, i still go out. n i dont give a damn care abt it!

hey tell me. does ur parents give u permission to go sleep at ur friends house at least 4 1 night? they does rite? its not a big deal coz they know where u go. n they might didn't know where u really go at nite but they still dont really mind coz u staying at ur fren house. n my probs? i cant even go anywhere. i cant even sleep at my fren house dats is near our home. juz 5 mins walk. n what i hate da most i cant even celebrate new year, fren b'day, merdeka or celebration day. (aku nk wat rmbut blk lewat skit pon kena marah. camne plak??) even my fren say 'u already 23 n u still cannot go out at night??? really?? must be sux to be u'. hey!!!! where should i hide my face after thay say those word rite in front of me?? i feel so ashamed i dont know what to answer. but i still keep my coolness. haha. well i cant juz go out through da window anymore. my dad has already nail it up n they put alarm system in da house. every time da door opens da sound 'tiiiitttt!!' gonna be hear all over da house. n if im at home by 9.30pm they gonna lock all da doors n switch on da alarm. n by dat time i cant even go to a shop to buy topup or anything. i think real prison dont feels like diz. except mine hve pc, tv n games.

n bcoz they always against wat eva what i wanna do, i always against them too. i dont care. as long as im satisfied. i wont use ur car. i didnt ask 4 ur money. n i dont need u to worry abt me coz u always worried abt da car more than me. im juz a dirt n always mess everything up. rite? i dont care what u told my real parents what i did. they n u who make me like diz. u abandon me. n now u want to take control of my life? big mistake. i wont let anybody come thru into my life dat easy. all i want is freedom 4 me to do anything dat i want without have anything to do wit u. my life. my body. my rule. my mistake. my problem. n wat da worst is u dont even know me like i do.

get to know ur self better

i read in aki blog about 'get to know urself better'. n i try it too. its a lil similar to aki abt the straightforwarness thingy. but im not really sure if im like dat. so i need u to tell me whether its true or not. can u?

u can also try it at http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx


Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

minat kt stranger

slama nih aku xpnh tau pon ade sorg mamt nih yg slalu ade dlm bas yg sme ngan aku hampir tiap2 ari. da thing is kalo ikot kn ari2 aku balik naik bas semenjak da keje nih kn? so kalo da ari2 tuh mesti la ade sorg dua muke yg akn ko ingt yg slalu naik satu bas ngan ko. ok so far yg aku ingt ade dlm 6 org je. kire setiap kali naik bas mesti nmpk muke diorg nih la. laki 2 lg 4 pompuan. tp ade sorg mamat nih mmg bole kate tiap2 ari bile naik mesti ngan die gak. aku x tau la die naik dr mane. naik2 je da nmpk muke die. n aku penah t'same kn muke die ngan sorg bdk laki kedua yg muke pon ade lebih kurang. tinggi rendah besar kecik je beza. n aku slalu gak la ushar mamat nih kn. xtau la npe. die pon kdg2 dok tgk2 aku gak. bile aku tgk die je die ngah tgk aku gak. so cam ish best nye la kn. nk kate ensem tuh x la. mmg la sgt xensem. tp aku suke tggi ngan bentuk bdn die walaupon kecik je bdn die. byg kn la. aku pakai heels pon die tetap lg tggi dr aku. gile jeles. n aku jarang2 sgt dpt dok seblh die. mesti ktorg cam jauh je. die kt blakang aku kt dpn. xpon aku kt blakang die kat dpn. aku try2 gak nk senyum kt die. tp ntah. xleh nk wat la!!!

so mndang kn da nmpk pon ari2 aku kire tau la die trun kt ne sbb aku yg paling last tuwon. slalu nye aku trun kt tmn jasa la kn. tp ntah npe aku t'gerak ati nk kire mase dr nakhoda tuh bile da pusing nakhoda bru smpai tmn jasa bpe min. n dr msok nakhoda trun kt nakhoda gak smpai bpe minit. n aku tgk trun kt nakhoda lg cpt smpai umh walaupon jauh skit kena jln!! since then aku tuwon kt nakhoda je la. kecuali kalo bas xmsok nakhoda bru aku trun kt tmn jasa. so mamat nih pon lbh kurang sme gak la. kalo bas xmsok nakhoda die trun kt sg tua. so aku cam t'tanye2 kt mane la mamt nih ddk sbnr nye. kang kalo btol2 trn kt sg tua kang kate aku nih stalker la plak kn. so aku mati kn je la niat nk tau umh die tuh kt mne. kalo ikot kn ade sorg akak tuh pon camtuh gak. slalu tgk trun kt nakhoda. tp kalo xmsok die trun kt tmn jasa. lg la wat aku curious nk tau npe diorg ikot jln tuh. so dpendek kn citer ade skali aku trun kt nakhoda mamat tuh trun lu la. aku ikot je la dr blakang mndng kn umh aku pon kna ikot jln yg sme. n bole tahan laju gak mamat nih jln. mentang2 kaki die pjg. hampeh btol. so finally aku tau da umh die kt mne. mmg la xsangka. kt sg tua je umh die. dulu situ umh kayu je kot. setiap ari blk skola agama aku lalu ctu. ikot celah2 umh kt situ. ngan kte lain 'shortcut'. tp xpnh tau la kn pasal mamat tuh. aku knl pon xmslh nye. mmg dkt sgt la umh ktorg nih. tp xtau die dok ngan sape kt ctu. umh bujang kot. xtau la.

ade satu kali tuh aku trun kt nakhoda gak mamat nih kt dpn. tetibe ade membe die dtg kt die offer naik skali. ngah borak2 die nmpk aku kt blakang. so die cam t'kejut gak la apsal aku trun kt ctu. aku nmpk kot die xnk naik skali. bile aku lalu je diorg mamat tuh pon jln skali sblh aku. nk tegor tp takot!! aku tunduk je la! rse cam die nih teman kn aku plak mndang kn setiap kali kalo aku trun tuh die ade skali mesti die pndng blakang. ish lg la aku syok kat mamat nih. prihatin gak mamat nih kat aku. ngee~ da la aku xpnh nmpk mamat nih senyum. sikit pon x. muke nk cool je kn. ish nih da kire 'cinta bas' da nih. nana dulu 'cinta ktm'. adoyaiii~ payah!!

ari slasa yg malang

1st2 skali tuh time masok opis. ok nk kate keje byk tuh x la. tp bole tahan gak la amik masa nye nk wat tuh. so memule jerk masok da kena wat kaler2 drawing sebyk 60 set. n aku sorg je yg wat. nsib bek la kechik ngan fiza sudi tolong skit2. so aku kaler la ikot contoh yg kak izan wat. tp da separuh jalan aku wat tetibe ade satu part x kaler. mmg hangin la aku kn. elok2 leh wat keje skali harung tetibe ade yg spoil plak. mmg sakit ati r. pastuh nk kena wat pos cek plak. xcam byk la plak kn. mmg la sakit ati b'tambah2.

ok time nk balik plak. of coz kena b'diri bile bru naik bas sbb ramai. aku xkesah lg. aku b'diri kt sblh sorg paria tuh. n then pastuh die nk trun. pastuh aku ingt sme ade aku leh ddk atau kasi la kt mak cik sblh aku nih. sbb mak cik nih mmg nmpk sgt la penat nye. last2 ade sorg bdk yg mmg xtau malu laju je dtg dok kat ctu. muke da cntik da. pakai tudung lg. tp mmg xtau adab lngsung. jht2 aku pon aku tau gak la nk hormat org tua camne kn. even aku pnh gak la bg tempat ddk aku tuh kat org tua yg memerlu kn. tp pompuan tuh ngan muke selambe je wat x tau. sgt la kuang ajo nye.... ok pastuh belakang makin sikit org. so aku kebelakang skit. n then ade sorg mamat nih tetibe dtg dkt ngan aku. tp time tuh aku xperasan lg la. maybe sng die nk kuar ke kn. so aku biar kn je la. pastuh ntah tetibe aku terasa mcm ade benda dok gesel2 kat bontot aku. so aku ingt kn beg akak belakang nih. aku bia kn gak. tp!!! aku xtau npe tp tgn mamat nih cam lain mcm skit nk pegang krusi tuh. rupe2 nye die rabe peha aku. sebole2 aku nk elak kn kaki aku dkt ngan tgn die. da la time tuh tgh ramai blk. bas plak bwk cam cibai. so nk xnk kena gak. last aku tgk bwh. mamat tuh alih kn tgn die n pegi kat blakang aku. so aku ingt da xkena la kn. last2 bontot aku yg die rabe!!!! OMG!!! aku xpnh kena kot!!! otak aku blank!! uuwwwaaa!!! aku sebole2 plak nk kedepan. why?????!!! npe mesti aku??? ramai lg pompuan yg cntik2 kt ctu!! lme plak tuh die dok raba tuh!! xde spe yg nmpk ke??? pergh ilang ego aku sbb x tau nk wat pe. time da xde org sgt bru die stop. finally!! mmg kalo aku nmpk mamt tuh lg aku xnk g dkt. lntak la!!! org suh kebelakang aku wat x tau je!!

blk tuh aku g umh aki. aki ckp aku kena bwk pepper spray all da time. ok gak tuh. tp aku xtau nk carik kt mne. ahhh! pandai2 aku la nnt!

my nightmare new year celebration mlm sblm

aku memule planning g ngan nana, add n cngkul.
last2 aku ngan add je yg g. sbb nana kena grounded ngan mak die.
so nk djd kn citer la kn. sumer nyer b'jln ngan baik la sumer.
ade wat snow war skali. n mndang kn aku cam jeles nk join gak
aku pon beli la 4 botol. aku plak g sengal pegang 2 botol kat tgn kanan
n kiri. tgh aku dok goncang2 tin tuh ade bdk sembur muka aku. aku bengang
laaa... aku spray blik kat dirg! last2 aku x sngka plak ade seko mamat celaka
nih nk rampas botol spray aku. hello!!! aku xkn ngalah ngan mudah la!!!
aku kejar blk n aku cube rmpas blk tin aku tu. tp malah nyer aku jatoh!!!
damn fucker btol. time tgh jatuh tuh diorg kepong aku n salah sorg dr diorg
meraba breast aku. aku bengang aku bgn ngan laju n aku baling tin kosong aku
kt bdk tuh pastuh aku g kat bdk tuh. hey aku x buta la!! aku nmpk sape yg buat.
tgn aku mmg da kepal penumbuk da nih. muke mmg da bengang gile da nih smpai
5 eko bdk yg aku jln g kt diorg tuh kebelakang bile aku dtg. pas tuh pandai plak ko
nak tolak aku ye??? tau ko takot!!! muke mmg cuak r bdk tuh. aku x kesah la kalo
ko nk gado! aku on jer! aku pk sbb new year da nk dkt aku biar je bdk tuh. n kalo
diorg carik pasal lg mmg makan boot size 7 yg aku pakai time tuh. well at least pas
tuh mmg xde sape nk sembur2 muke aku da. muke add je kena. hakhakhak n da
rest ok la. we all happy.

time nk OTW blk umh plak. aku drive. keta x de la ngah laju mane tp tetibe ade
plak teksi nih nk kuar dr blakang bas. kuar ngejut plak tuh!! da la x bg signal!!
ko nk kasi aku lepas la kalo ko xbg signal?? mmg xdpt r kn!! aku pin r teksi tuh.
pastuh aku tunjuk 'fuck' kat mmat tuh. die bengang agak nyer die kejo aku kt blakang.
die memule nk gado la kn agak nye. ntah camne bole plak die nk menggatal????
apakahhh????!!!! mayb sbb die tgk aku nih pompuan tuh yg die bole wat lwak yg xlawak.
mmg aku wat bodo r pastuh kn.

well next time dtg ramai2 n pasti kn aku bwk member ramai2 skit. kalo aku tau si awe kat
kl mmg aku bwk mamat tuh. leh jd bonzer aku. at least ade back up. nih kira pengajaran wat
aku la.. tp mmg nightmare r. nasib x kena rogol kat situ.